Pregnancy, that wonderful and terrifying journey of creating life, comes with its own set of joys and challenges. But if there’s one thing that can turn your serene prenatal experience into a comedy of errors, it’s the unsolicited advice that comes at you faster than a toddler running downhill. While the intentions behind these suggestions may be genuine, the continuous stream of unprompted guidance can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Every pregnant woman has experienced it—the acquaintance at a social gathering who insists you should be drinking herbal tea made from a secret blend of exotic leaves to guarantee a healthy baby. It’s the co-worker who shares a story about how a relative’s neighbor’s friend found the magical cure for morning sickness by eating nothing but grapefruit for a week. Or even old wives’ tales that claim to predict your baby’s gender based on the way you carry: “If you’re carrying high, it’s a girl, and if you’re carrying low, it’s a boy!” While these anecdotes might be shared with good intentions, they can inadvertently create stress and self-doubt. Let’s laugh (or cry) together while we explore the world of unsolicited pregnancy advice.
Balancing Boundaries
Sometimes advice can come from the most well-meaning of close family members. Your mother or mother-in-law, sisters, aunts, cousins, and even the father of your child may have advice on what you should be doing with your body or what would be best for the baby. I found myself repeatedly explaining to my boyfriend that all pregnancy bodies are different, and that I couldn’t just exercise all of my health problems away like that one pregnant twenty-something year old he saw on Instagram.
Maintaining personal boundaries is crucial during pregnancy. It’s important to recognize that you are the expert on your own body and situation. Politely setting boundaries can help create a more positive environment for both you and those offering advice. A simple, “Thank you for your input. I’m following my doctor’s recommendations, but I appreciate your concern,” can respectfully acknowledge the advice while asserting your autonomy. If the barrage of unsolicited advice intensifies, it’s time to develop your ninja-like skills of dodging, deflecting, and counter attacking.
Dodging Bullets: How to Respond
Here’s a survival guide to navigate this comedy of terrors:
1. The Polite Nod and Smile: A classic move that has been perfected by generations of mothers. Nod appreciatively, smile politely, and then promptly forget everything you just heard. It’s like a mental reset button.
2. The Redirect: When someone starts to unleash their wisdom, quickly divert the conversation to a completely unrelated topic. “Speaking of spicy food, have you seen that new show about time-traveling llamas?”
3. The Inception: Respond to their advice with an even more outlandish suggestion. “Oh, eating broccoli dipped in chocolate during a full moon? I’ve heard that’s the key to giving birth to a miniature unicorn.”
4. The Empowerment Statement: Channel your inner superhero and respond with a firm but kind statement. “I’m following my doctor’s recommendations, but I appreciate your concern.”
5. The Evasive Maneuver: Make like Houdini and disappear from the conversation. Sudden coughing fits, pretending your phone is vibrating, or claiming you hear your dog barking are all acceptable strategies.
The Emotional Toll
Pregnancy itself can be an emotional journey, and no matter how ridiculous, unsolicited advice can still add an extra layer of stress. It’s important to acknowledge the emotions that arise when facing this advice. It’s okay to feel frustrated, irritated, or even amused by some of the suggestions. Finding healthy ways to process these emotions, whether through journaling, talking with a partner, or seeking support from other expecting mothers, can be beneficial.
Navigating unsolicited advice requires finesse. Instead of brushing off every suggestion, consider responding thoughtfully. Engage in a conversation that allows you to share your perspective while acknowledging the concern of the advice-giver. An open and honest dialogue can foster understanding and, over time, lead to a reduction in unsolicited advice.
An Ode to the Ridiculous
In the midst of the chaos, it can be helpful to try to find the humor in these situations. After all, you’re the one carrying a human inside you, and that’s already a pretty superhuman feat. So, embrace the absurdity of it all.
Remember, pregnancy advice isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. Just like your cravings, every woman’s experience is unique. So, whether you’re juggling advice from the grapevine or the internet, hold onto your sense of humor and take it all with a grain of salt, or a pinch (depending on what your cousin’s best friend’s gardener has to say about sodium recommendations). After all, the best way to navigate the sea of unsolicited advice is to float on the waves of laughter.
Who Even Asked You?
For a good laugh and to keep the limited knowledge of others in perspective, here are the some ridiculous pieces of pregnancy advice from an r/BabyBumps Reddit thread (bonus points if you’ve ever actually received these yourself):
- Blowing cigarette smoke into your baby’s ear will cure their ear infection.
- Eating spicy food will overheat the baby.
- If you watch a scary movie, your baby will come out looking like the monster.
- Cutting your hair causes preterm labor.
- You shouldn’t knit while pregnant because it could wrap the cord around your baby’s neck.
- Sleeping with the light on makes your baby brighter.
- Wearing heels will tilt your uterus and injure the baby.
- Only eat “pretty foods” or you’ll have an ugly baby.
In the age of information, unsolicited advice isn’t confined to in-person encounters. In addition to your grandmother and her social club, the online gurus have entered the chat. You post a harmless bump photo on social media, and suddenly your notifications are flooded with comments like the advice given above. Advice from strangers and social media acquaintances doesn’t need to be met with a response, especially if it helps to maintain your sanity to simply ignore them or delete their comment.
Empowering Yourself
Rather than dismissing unsolicited advice outright, consider using these moments as opportunities for connection. Behind every suggestion, there’s often a well-meaning individual who cares about your well-being. Engaging in conversations that encourage mutual understanding can lead to more meaningful relationships and fewer instances of unsolicited advice.
One of the most empowering aspects of pregnancy is making informed decisions for yourself and your baby. Educate yourself about pregnancy-related topics and discuss your concerns with your healthcare provider. Armed with knowledge, you’ll be better equipped to evaluate the advice you receive and make choices that align with your beliefs and values.
The Takeaway
Pregnancy is a time of wonder, anticipation, and apparently, a parade of unsolicited advice that rivals a circus performance. Embrace the absurdity, respond with grace (and a touch of wit), and remember that you’re the captain of this ship, sailing through uncharted waters with your sanity intact. While it can be challenging, it’s essential to remember that most advice-givers are motivated by genuine concern and a desire to support you during this transformative time. By setting boundaries, responding thoughtfully, and empowering yourself with knowledge, you can navigate the sea of advice with grace and confidence.
In the end, every pregnancy journey is unique, and the decisions you make are personal. As you embark on this path, remember that you have the strength to embrace advice selectively, empower yourself through informed choices, and, most importantly, cherish the miracle unfolding within you.
